What’s my Big News?

I have some Big News.

No, I’m not pregnant.

In a shocking turn of events, I have some exciting news that’s not related to my uterus. It’s been really hard not to mention it here, but I’ve held off on blogging about it until I’d told my family and friends, and I wanted to tell them all in person wherever possible. Weirdly, my eldest sister somehow managed to guess my news before I’d even told her I had news – I have no idea how. However, she did this via text just days before I was due to go and visit her in person to do the telling, so I refused to confirm her suspicions. Although I did make quite clear that I definitely wasn’t pregnant.

So she decided that she was going to imagine what my news could possibly be, then send me suggestions until I relented and told her.

whats-my-big-news

Here’s what her guesses were. These are all exactly as I received them.

1. You and S have got a pet armadillo from the pet rescue centre and you have to save up to buy it [whatever armadillos eat].

2. You have both decided to work as missionaries in the Far East for a year.

3. You are setting up an interior design business based around recycled and repurposed materials painted in Annie Sloan Chalk Paints.

4. You have got funding for a start-up based on an app that advises people with red-green colour blindness whether their colour choice in clothes is advisable when they’re getting dressed in the morning.

5. You have been offered a job as aide to Hillary Clinton provided she wins the US election and that’s why you can’t tell me right now (sidenote: sadface).

6. S has been offered the chance to be an astronaut and go into space to study what happens to fruit flies when they don’t know which way is up (context: S worked with fruit flies as part of his PhD).

7. S has given up his job to write his book full time, which will be about clockmaking in the 18th century.

8. You have decided to buy Daddy’s car from Mummy and refurbish it as a peripatetic pet grooming parlour. (Context: my Mum has been trying to sell my Dad’s car recently, he doesn’t need it any more on account of having passed away last year).

9. You have decided to purchase a mid-Victorian parsonage and lovingly restore it to its former glory using only authentic materials and equipment. No plastic. No electronics. No power tools. Contractors are instructed that on no account can they listen to any music composed after 1853. Hipster beards allowed on basis that they are quite retro really.

At this point I was rolling around in bed laughing, and stood no chance of going to sleep at all. So I joined in with a few of my own:

10. I have developed a fledgeling online business selling monogrammed pyjamas for toddlers and have been approached by Debenhams to set up an in-store Christmas concession.

11. S has been discovered by scouts for The Voice whilst playing the guitar at church. He will be on the next season but we’re contractually unable to disclose how far he got.

12. S has reverted to his pirate roots and we’re running away to sea. We have been preparing by living on hard tack and weevils for the past 2 months.

In the morning, my sister took up the baton once again:

13. S has taken over all the Pokémon gyms in Bedford and is now setting up as the local Boss.

14. You want to get one of those growing turf/wildflower roof things for your house, and are planning how to convince the landlord it’s a good idea.

15. You have just become national champion in Pétanque.

So there you have 15 pieces of news which are not my Big News. Do you have any guesses? The more ridiculous the better.

-Rachel

P.S. No, I did not give in and tell her the news via text. She waited until the weekend.

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26 Comments

  1. 6th December 2016 / 16:47

    You’re finally emigrating to Australia!! Are you? You seriously can’t just leave us hanging like this! 😀

  2. 6th December 2016 / 17:11

    I need to know what Petanque is! Hmmm I’m wondering if you’re considering a move? Maybe the opposite and buying a house and putting down roots? #9 made me LOL. What a fun guessing game!

  3. 6th December 2016 / 17:40

    Hahaha, this is brilliant! Are you quitting your job and traveling the world?!

  4. 6th December 2016 / 17:49

    I’d say it’s travel/living abroad related. I mean you’re married and aren’t pregnant. That’d be my best guest haha

  5. 6th December 2016 / 17:50

    My guess is the same as Van’s. 🙂

  6. 6th December 2016 / 18:02

    I think it’s Australia too!!!!!! Ooooooo that would be exciting!!!!

  7. 6th December 2016 / 18:04

    Ok so you are going to work on a captive drop bear breeding programme in the outback whilst raising kangaroos, crocodiles and the odd kookaburra chick – 😉

  8. Jen
    6th December 2016 / 18:10

    You’re moving to the US?! 🙂

  9. 6th December 2016 / 18:24

    I think that you’re moving to Australia like you’ve always wanted to! All of your sisters guesses are so funny though! I think that restoring that old home is pretty hilarious, along with S quitting his job to write his book on clockmaking!

  10. 6th December 2016 / 19:31

    You are in the new Beauty & the Beast movie?!?!?!?!?!

  11. 6th December 2016 / 19:51

    i want all of these to be true! but i want the truth to be true too, so high five for that awesome news and we will have to organise to get together when i visit 😉

  12. 7th December 2016 / 00:50

    Ahhhh I thought you were gonna reveal it! And now I’m so curious. Buuuut I have a sneaky suspicion that your big news is that you’re going to be full-time traveling next year!!!

  13. 7th December 2016 / 05:54

    You’re moving to Australia, and we will have monthly tea dates. That’s not a ridiculous guess. That’s me with wishful thinking. Please say it is true.

  14. 7th December 2016 / 13:57

    ok others beat me to it bc i guessed moving to australia. well i am excited nonetheless and way to keep us in suspense! what a hilarious list though 🙂

    xoxo cheshire kat

  15. 8th December 2016 / 02:04

    I scrolled to the end to read the news and there are no news! I will give it a try… you are going to be working on an archaeological dig in Northern Utah. ;0) #wanderfulwednesday

  16. 8th December 2016 / 06:31

    Elvis is alive? And you know this because you just enjoyed a cuppa and slice of gluten free cake together?

    Hope the Big News is grant of Aussie visa….

  17. 8th December 2016 / 23:10

    Donald Trump has hired you as president elect after realizing he couldn’t see Canada from his White House?

  18. 9th December 2016 / 07:14

    This is hilarious Rachel… although now you’ve definitely got me wondering! hehe… I won’t speculate cause i’m nowhere near as funny as you or your sister, but I’m looking forward to the big reveal when it comes! 🙂

    Lauren xx

  19. 10th December 2016 / 02:23

    Haha. I don’t know you or your sister, but I think I would enjoy hanging out with both of you! Those are some fun guesses!

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