Things I Wish People Wouldn’t Say To Me

So recently someone came up to me at a family wedding and said something to me that literally make my jaw sag open in shock. It was quite the doozy, but unfortunately it’s something I’m asked not infrequently. And then it got me to thinking about all the things I really wish people wouldn’t say to me.

So here they are. I’ll ease in gently, and end with the doozy in question.

Oh, you’re tall! ¦¦ You know, I’d only just realised. Also, observations are not the same as compliments. Just sayin’. Sidenote: No, I don’t play basketball, netball, or row. Nor would I like to join your team of any of the above.

What are your hobbies? ¦¦ Trying to answer this makes me feel like a total loser, because I have to admit I have none. Aside from going to the cinema, reading, or sitting by myself at home. Hey, at least it makes me happy (even if I do sound like a 90 year old).

Any form of Management Speak ¦¦ Let’s get our ducks in a row, let’s touch base, shall we take this offline?, moving forward…. You know what I’m talking about. Some days, you can play buzzword bingo and get a full house during just one meeting. The thing is, I know I’m guilty of letting a few slip out every now and again, and I hate myself a little bit for it.

Do you mind if I… ¦¦ Because it’s basically just guilt tripping me into saying I’m fine with something I’d really rather you didn’t do, like smoke near me or take the last biscuit.

Oh, I’m thinking of trying to go gluten free as well ¦¦ Where do I even start?! A gluten free diet is only a good idea if you have coeliac disease. Otherwise, it has absolutely no benefits whatsoever. It’s not something you give a try, either, because it’s really hard to adhere to 100% of the time like an actual coeliac has to. And if you balls it up because you haven’t done your research properly, or do it part time, it makes us proper coeliacs look overly picky and risks us getting glutened because people think that your rules are the actual rules. You’re not only doing a disservice to yourself, but to others as well.

Are you tired? You look tired. ¦¦ Substitute in ‘ill’ for ‘tired’ if the person is really doing well. And really, there’s no good outcome to this. It’s basically just code for, you look awful. And not very subtle code, at that. I have one colleague at work who asks me this on a semi-regular basis, usually when I can’t be bothered to put on mascara, and I’m now so sick of it that I tell him that I’m fine actually, and this is just my face. Then I usually give a cheerful smile and wait for the ensuing awkward.

Myself, when you mean me ¦¦ ….has been working with myself to…..was developed by myself…..myself and Greggles have been… The word you need to use is ME. Why is everyone so afraid of this little word? Sometimes it is actually grammatically correct!

So when are you having kids, then? ¦¦ And finally, the biggie. Yes, people ask me this with surprising frequency. This is just so, so rude from start to finish – what if I have fertility issues? What if I’m a little bit pregnant but not telling people yet? What if I’m trying to be sensible and waiting until I’m in a suitably stable life position first, but would rather not explain what particular financial, career or relationship parameters that this entails to you? What if I want children, but my husband doesn’t? Or vice versa? What if I’d just rather not discuss the state of my uterus today, thanks? And of course, underlying the question is the whole implied assumption that of course everyone wants kids anyway. Especially if they’re married. Not always the case, my friend.

What do you wish people wouldn’t say to you?-Rachel

Linking up with Kristin and Joey for Stuff and Things.

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16 Comments

  1. 16th July 2015 / 12:51

    Ugh, I get the pregnancy question all the time and it’s so annoying! My husband and I are perfectly fine enjoying the DINK (dual income no kids) lifestyle right now and being able to travel. I also get the you look tired comment and I always think “thanks for letting me know I look like crap right now”. It really makes you wonder if people think before they speak sometimes.

    • 16th July 2015 / 14:47

      Why do people do it?! They really can’t be thinking before they speak, because whoever would think that could ever go well?! Also I’ve never heard of DINK before but I love it and I’m now adopting it for myself. From one DINK to another, thanks!

  2. 16th July 2015 / 13:45

    the kids one – it’s ridiculous. i honestly don’t know how it’s still a thing because i feel like everyone should know it’s not okay to ask it. and oh the tall one! i’m like.. yes. thank you. i was not aware. i’m not even that tall! oh and the gluten free one, i hate because people will roll their eyes and think i am on a fad diet or they will tell me it’s ridiculous and you ‘need gluten for your brain to work’ and i want to be like, no. that’s carbs and don’t worry, i get plenty of them!

    • 16th July 2015 / 14:50

      It just shouldn’t be a thing, and I have no idea how some people can go through life never figuring out that it’s not in any way acceptable! Yeah I’m not that tall either, so I’m not sure why I get it so much. Maybe we are optical illusions? I do wear stripes a fair bit… And I could write an essay about all the gluten misconceptions and frustrations so I’ll quit while I’m ahead!

  3. Biana Perez
    16th July 2015 / 15:46

    I totally said “offline” today and I hated myself for it!! When people talk about edits to something and say “just one nit” like how did that even start and it could be exclusive to my industry but it aggravates me to no end!! xo, Biana –BlovedBoston

    • 20th July 2015 / 19:10

      Ha I know – when they slip out I could kick myself. A lot of them don’t even make sense, either! I think every industry has their pet phrases, I’m just surprised at how many there are in common between industries and continents, too.

  4. 16th July 2015 / 20:09

    OMG the gluten free thing kills me….I think I will start a new trend and say I’m giving up nutrition. 🙂 Super duper enjoyed your post today!

    • 20th July 2015 / 19:03

      I need to develop a stock answer to this because it’s getting more and more prevalent… I’m thinking something involving a spurious scientific paper and a thinly veiled insult? I’m so glad you enjoyed the post!

  5. 16th July 2015 / 20:35

    Ohhh the gluten thing is my whole life! Why don’t people understand!

    Aisling | aisybee.

    • 20th July 2015 / 19:04

      People don’t understand because the media make fun of us and tell people we’re just indulging in a fad! It’s not a fad!!! I’m so sad this is your life too 🙁 I wish people could get it…

  6. 17th July 2015 / 12:58

    Rachel, I am right with you on the tall thing! It drives me CRAZY! Durr, I know I’m tall thank you very much. I would never tell a short person “gee you’re a short ass aren’t you?” Thanks for a great read. Feel free to link up with me on my Weekend Link up at http://www.flatbummum.com each Friday.

    • 20th July 2015 / 19:04

      I know! It’s like observing that someone is tall isn’t seen as an insult, even though I know plenty of tall people who have a complex about their height. You’d never say that to a short person, so why is it acceptable to say to me?!

  7. Kristin
    18th July 2015 / 00:30

    The kids question gets under my skin for several reasons.
    The hobbies one is just awkward. I never, ever know what to say and to say “I blog” usually draws looks of confusion.

    • 20th July 2015 / 19:06

      All the reasons for the kids thing. There isn’t one reason why it’s a good question to ask. And seeing as I haven’t told anyone from my ‘real life’ about this blog, that leaves me with a fair few unexplained hours during the week!

  8. 19th July 2015 / 23:36

    Oh the kids question is so rude! And everyone feels entitled to ask!

    Some of these made me giggle with the frequency I get asked them too! Although not the tall thing, I’m a shortie!

    Away From The Blue Blog

    • 20th July 2015 / 19:08

      Why do people feel entitled to ask about the state of your reproductive system?! It’s beyond rude. I think we should start asking people slightly more inventive and less invasive questions…!

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