I say liveblogging – obviously this isn’t going up as I’m in the air, what with the lack of wifi on planes and such. However, these are the notes I made on my phone as we marched torturously through a 12 hour flight.
Disclaimer: I was making this flight to a super exciting location (Bangkok, as it happens) for a holiday which I was really looking forward to, so please take this in the spirit of which it was intended, which I think broadly falls under the umbrella of #firstwordproblems. I do know how lucky I am!
00:05* ¦¦ My seat is by the window (except its just a wall) and I have S next to me. In the aisle seat is a Thai girl who I feel very sorry for as we disorganisedly bash into her for the seventieth time.
00:15 ¦¦ Now I’ve faffed a record-breaking amount, it’s time to consult the inflight magazine. Ooh, quite a good selection.
00:30 ¦¦ Oh great. There are seat back kicker children behind us. I try to be tolerant as I’m sure its really difficult travelling with children but I’m suddenly acutely aware I have another eleven and a half hours of this to put up with.
00:35 ¦¦ Chief flight attendant chap announces that the in flight entertainment is broken. We have to wait at least half an hour for them to reboot the system.
00:50 ¦¦ Drinks are served in the nick of time. I feel the need for a G&T and a double diet coke. Go big or go home.
My drugs of choice
01:10 ¦¦ A man opens an overhead locker and a fairly large hard case suitcase falls out and hits the poor Thai girl on the leg. It looks extremely painful. The man is all apologies but the poor girl is clearly in a lot of pain and as he is English I don’t think she understands him very well. He certainly doesn’t understand her. There’s not much I can do but the flight attendant brings her an ice pack. I always thought the announcements about being careful when opening the lockers as bags may have shifted in transit were overkill but apparently not.
01:20 ¦¦ I start reading a Red magazine from the end of 2014 that my sister passed down to me. I am in disagreement with large amounts of the content, namely a piece about all the new denim styles that are out at the moment (mostly costing a few hundred pounds each) and exactly what shoe should be worn with each (which all sound impossible to conduct life in) and oh dear, consequently the author will have to go our and buy a whole new shoedrobe! Chortle chortle. Materialism and excessive consumption at its worst.
01:40 ¦¦ My food is here! I’m served early as I’m a special diet. It’s fish. I’m not the biggest fan of fish on planes but at least I have a nice salad and some fruit to go with it.<
Why all the boiled fish?
02:00 ¦¦ A 3-year-old child from the row behind, who has been running up and down the aisles, just ran up to the end of our row, sneezed luxuriantly and comprehensively directly into the Thai girl’s food, and ran off again.
02:05 ¦¦ I’ve started watching The Imitation Game. So far Benedict is living up to form – excellent as ever and I’m impressed he hasn’t just played Alan Turing the same as Sherlock. Of course he has too much ethics and expertise for that.
Even the cross hatching on the screen didn’t spoil the performance
04:00 ¦¦ The Imitation Game has finished and was totally excellent. During the film they put us to sleep, but I’m going to carry on watching films like the rebel I am. I don’t sleep on planes, anyway. I’ve decided to move onto Wild. I had mixed feelings about the book but am interested to see how it translates to the big (or in my case really quite small) screen.
Film Cheryl, please be less annoying than book Cheryl?
04:10 ¦¦ Really quite need the loo but totally blocked in. Darn.
04:20 ¦¦ Hurrah! Everyone moved!
04:22 ¦¦ Ok so the loo seems to be broken and is in constant flushing mode. I’m too desperate to wait for another loo to be free. This is one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.
04:30 ¦¦ Kid behind keeps switching his reading light on and off, on and off. Its certainly lending an extra ambience to the situation.
04:50 ¦¦ How is Reese Witherspoon’s hair still looking better than mine does on day 2 and she’s allegedly 5 days post wash?
Just look at that non-greasy hair. That’s the magic of film
05:30 ¦¦ Pretty sure I’m sitting in the vicinity of pooey nappy.
06:00 ¦¦ This fox thing [in Wild] is a bit of a cliché, but other than that I think I prefer the film to the book. Just.
06:10 ¦¦ Have chosen Into The Woods as my next film. Beginning to regret my decision. It’s a musical and is excessively theatrical. Hmmmm.
06:20 ¦¦ Oh Meryl Streep is quite good though.
06:28 ¦¦ Johnny Depp!
06:29 ¦¦ Oh. Johnny Depp is creepy.
06:33 ¦¦ Well the entertainment system seems to be broken and I’ve been kicked out back to the main menu. Ah well. It was clearly a sign. I’d best pick again.
06:40 ¦¦ Alright. I pick Little Miss Sunshine.
06:45 ¦¦ I’m hungry.
08:00 ¦¦ Think I may have hit a time warp somewhere during Little Miss Sunshine. Quite glad about it tbh. Still hungry though.
08:15 ¦¦ Jupiter Ascending is a bit rubbish, isn’t it?
10:00 ¦¦ So hungry.
Eleventy jillionth hour ¦¦ Breakfast! Oh. It’s weird breakfast that makes me feel a bit sick…. Also, I’m starving and you’ve given me low fat spread?! Come on.
10:30 ¦¦ Final thoughts on Jupiter Ascending: a) odd and b) long. Realise it was directed by the Wachowski siblings. That explains a lot.
10:40 ¦¦ I have sprouted a giant spot. Fabulous.
10:50 ¦¦ All the films left are really intense thrillers or overly gory action films. Plus I have just over an hour left. I wonder if there are any good TV programmes I can watch for a bit?
11:00 ¦¦ No, there aren’t.
11:05 ¦¦ Having a little daydream about wandering around ruined temples, sitting by pools, and eating lots of nice food. Oh dear, I think I’m hungry again.
11:10 ¦¦ I’m holding the book I brought in my hands but I don’t think I quite have the mental capacity to actually read it. Silly me, I should have read earlier in the journey but I got entranced by all the films and now it’s too late. I want to read. But I’m so sleepy… [sidenote: you can tell I’ve seriously gone off by this point as the photos abruptly stopped an hour or so ago]
11:15 ¦¦ Maybe if I just close my eyes for a minute.
11:17 ¦¦ Ah. The child behind me has woken up and resumed seat kicking. How delightful.
11:20 ¦¦ The captain announces the coming in to land bit and everyone’s waking up, unreclining their chairs, putting up their tray tables etc. I fumble around with earphones and whatnot for a bit. That kills some time.
11:30 ¦¦ The aroma of dirty nappy is getting stronger. This isn’t helping the bumpy descent. Bleururgh.
11:40 ¦¦ We’re so nearly there.
11:50 ¦¦ Bit bumpy… feeling a little green around the gills… The Thai girl looks basically done. I’m not surprised – poor thing has had a shocker of a flight.
12:00 ¦¦ Bump! We’re down. Thank the Lord. Get me out of this tin can.
12:10 ¦¦ Oh the faffing. Why the faffing. I just want to leave.
12:15 ¦¦ Hallelujah! Oh wow, it’s hot here.
And that’s about the sum of it.
Have you flown long-haul? What do your flights look like?!
*This is not the real time. I’ve used minutes-elapsed-since-boarding instead, as I lose all concept of space and time on long haul flights as a rule, and it’s just less confusing all round this way.
Linking up with Christine, Sara & Bonnie for Travel Tuesday, and with Malinda for Wednesday Wanderlust.
P.P.S Migrating from Disqus is a nightmare and it lost me all my comments. Sorry if you commented before, it’s now been lost to the mysteries of Disqus and their complete lack of support team! Yay.