At an English Country Barbecue

Written whilst humming An English Country Garden distractedly…

….there will be bunting

….there will be Pimms

….the grass will be too damp to sit on

….there will be a tangle of wires, extension cables, and precariously balanced laptops in an attempt to provide background music from a hastily-compiled Spotify playlist

….the clothes you wore will be not quite right in some regard or other

….there will be someone who brings ‘exotic meat’ for the bbq. Crocodile steaks, kangaroo burgers, chilli Springbok sausages, etc

….someone’s child will eat too much sugar, and chuck an epic tantrum

….it will not look like anything you’ve ever seen on Pinterest

….there will be much chat about the weather (much, much chat) and people will occasionally hold their hands out, palms up, to check for spots of rain whilst examining the level of cloud cover

….someone will get mysteriously saddled with ‘childcare duty’ and end up being dogged by a pack of kids for the whole afternoon

….someone, somehow, will end up in a flowerbed

….the meat will have to be part-cooked in the oven because the barbecue wasn’t hot enough in time and/or the hostess is overly concerned about food poisoning

….someone’s grandpa will nod off in a chair

….all the glassware will get used up, leading to excessive protectiveness over your designated Pimms glass for fear of having to drink out of a shot glass for the rest of the day

….a weird uncle will turn up who nobody remembers inviting

….there will be a gust of wind at an inopportune moment, and someone will end up eating their hair

….the marshmallows (for toasting over the glowing embers) will have been forgotten, again, to great distress

….you will somehow end up with ketchup in an improbable place

….someone will get inappropriately drunk

[all together now]

….at an English Country Barrrrr-beeee-cueeee!

Have you ever been to an English country barbecue? If not, have you experienced any of these phenomena at any barbecues you’ve recently attended?



    • 28th July 2015 / 08:25

      Great! What are you doing next weekend?!

  1. sydneyshopgirl
    29th July 2015 / 04:22

    No but I’d also love to now!

    SSG xxx

    • 2nd August 2015 / 17:45

      You’d also be welcome to join me at any time! (You might find it a bit cold though…)

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